


Ice Blue Finger Tips and Red Seas

by sweetvoicepudding



Series: Random danganronpa fics (no ships) [3]
Category: New Dangan Ronpa V3: Everyone's New Semester of Killing
Genre: Derealization, Hurt No Comfort, Implied/Referenced Suicide, Not Beta Read, POV First Person, Self-Harm, Suicidal Thoughts, Suicide Attempt, i think, vent - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-01
Updated: 2020-12-01
Packaged: 2021-03-09 22:47:54
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,245
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27824002
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sweetvoicepudding/pseuds/sweetvoicepudding
Summary: Goodbyes~~~Vent
Series: Random danganronpa fics (no ships) [3]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2155542
Kudos: 8





	Ice Blue Finger Tips and Red Seas

**Author's Note:**

> hey wanna see how hard i can project on a character?  
> BRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR0-
> 
> ~~~
> 
> Tw: Suicide, self-harm, angst, death  
> Don't trigger yourself reading this k?

It was cold in my room. It was winter, the cold sleeping through the walls and window. If I looked outside I probably could see snow falling down and the tree branches being covered in small icicles soon to break off and fall to the ground in a big gust of wind.It was very pretty, but I wasn’t focused on that. 

I sat at the edge of my bed, staring at the blank wall in front of me. There were lots of thoughts in my head and none at the same time, it hurt. It was a little much, so many thoughts about my impending doom. Soon, quiet tears were sliding down my face. Slowly, I moved my hand up to wipe my face with.

“I, Shuichi Saihara, am pathetic”

I can do anything right, and I get reminded about that everyday. No matter what I do, I always fail. I pull my knees to my chest, digging my heels into my mattress and putting my face in my knees, muffling the sobs that soon came out of my mouth. Crying, this isn’t something I should do. My father always told me crying is for whiny children, crying is for women, crying is for pussys. My father told me many things, none of them are positive.

Soon, I stood up on my wobbly legs, reaching out and holding the wall to help guild my way. I slowly left my room, opening my door with a soft creek and the floorboards groaning under foot. Walking to a room, the bathroom. Opening the door it made the same eerie creep.

I stepped inside, my bare feet soaking up the cold from the tiled floor. Closing the door with a click, I turned the light on, blinking against the hard light. Turning the lock, I moved to stand in front of the mirror. In the mirror was someone I couldn’t recognize. He had semi long messy dark, almost blue, hair. His bangs were a little too long, them falling over his golden eyes, nearly hiding them. His skin was sunken and pale, dark circles under his eyes. Slowly, I reached my hands out to touch the mirror, the man in the mirror reaching out with him. Touching the mirror, I could feel its coldness, as if I was really touching the other man's hand.

Moving my hand away, I let my head fall, looking down at the sink. Branching myself against the sink, using my hands to keep myself from falling but failing. I collapsed to my knees, feeling my chest tightened and tears coming to my eyes again, which I hadn't realized had stopped. Was that me, is that what I look like?

“What happened to me…”

I looked up, looking around the small place, feeling a strange panic feeling rise in his chest. I reached up, grabbing the edge of the sink to pull myself to my feet. I looked at the man, me, in the mirror, feeling such hate toward that person, I wanted to reach across and strangle him, pop his eyes out, or rip out his hair. I looked away, not wanting to look at that person anymore, looking at him, himself, filled him with anger, sadness and many things along the same line. I hate it, my own reflection, I wish he would leave, I never want to see it again.

My hands were soon tangled in my hair without me realizing. They were moving without me thinking about it, they tugged and pulled at my hair, ripping out strands in the process. With the hands still balled up with hair, I started hitting my head with the sides of my fist. Hitting over and over in the same stop until it felt like my thumbs would break or bruise if I kept hitting. Small pathetic whines and sobs escape my mouth, my scalp feeling unbearably painful and numb at the same time. Slowly, I unintended my fingers from my hair and held them in front of my face. Between my fingers were strands of dark hair, my hair.

Shaking my hands so the hair would fall out from between, glancing at my reflection one more time before reaching down and opened the drawers. Shuffling around in the drawers looking around for what I need, frustrated sounds whined out of my mouth when I was struggling to find it. I threw stuff on the ground until I found it, a razor-blade. Letting out a sigh, I turned around, walking over to the bathtub.

Crouching down on my knees I leaned forward, plugging the tub and then turning the knob to start the water. I put my hand under the cold water, feeling my finger tips go numb before he pulled them out. I sat at the side of the tub, watching the tub fill. Once it was half full and stood up, slowly stepping in the cold water and sitting down. My clothes got soaked with water, making me feel heavy. I leaned back, resting my back on the cold porcelain of the tub. Taking deep breaths I looked down at my arms.

I rolled up my wet sleeves, exposing the pale skin under that was littered with old and faded scars. I ran my fingers over the skin, following the veins up the palm of my hand tracing the old cuts. Around me the tub filled up, threatening to spill over any second, but it didn’t matter. Taking one last breath, I held the razor over my arm and slowly put it down on the skin. Pulling it down harder, it dug into my skin and I could feel the pain, tears welled into my eyes.

“Is this what i want?”

“Yes, i deserve this”

I pushed away any thoughts trying to get me to stop, I needed this. I dragged the blade across the skin, watching blood bubble around the blade in small dots and then getting bigger at more blood collected around the cut. It wasn’t deep, there wasn’t a lot of blood. I brought the blade back down, slicing another cut, then another, and another. With each cut, they got deeper and deeper. The blood ran off my arm, mixing with the ever rising water. More and more cuts, soon I moved on to my other arm, made more and more cuts until I started to feel dizzy. 

The water was very red at this point. I laughed, sticking my arms weakly into the water and watching the blood mix with the water. It was like swimming in a sea of red and soon the sharks would soon to some and get me, dragging me into ever ending darkness. I leaned my head back, looking at the roof, a pained smile on my face.

My vision was fading, the dim bathroom soon left me leaving me floating in the ocean out in the middle of nowhere. It’s where I’ll stay from the rest of my days? It was so peaceful, I wouldn’t mind that at all. I’ll miss my family, my mom was always so kind, and my uncle taught me to be a detective. I’ll miss my friends… Kaede, I’m sorry.

Regret, I tried moving, trying to save myself. But it was too late, the sharks are coming to take me, I’ll never be able to say a proper goodbye to Kaede, or to Kaito. 

“I’m such a bad side kick, Kaito deserves someone better”

Goodbye

**Author's Note:**

> tumblr- @andyiscringe


End file.
